so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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