I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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