Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize