Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
false alarm, still single
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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