We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I deserve this hangover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
