wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Boobs are out for the taking
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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