Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
