So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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