He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
