I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
