Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
