i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
