I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
