Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
