I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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