do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize