she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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