4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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