Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
