I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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