3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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