happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
