Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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