I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
