Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
