who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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