I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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