so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
