Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
