how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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