I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
