He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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