I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize