You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
