i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize