Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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