Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
