It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need a beard to bite.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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