I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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