Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
