All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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