shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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