don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Heβs got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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