dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
North Korea, Best Korea!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
