i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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