Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
