whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
