You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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