we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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