Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
