was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
