thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
