I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
