Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
