K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
