Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
