i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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