Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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