based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
