I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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