Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
