so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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