Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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