Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
