this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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