I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
