You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
