Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
