ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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