1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
