small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
